What Are We 5 Years Old?

I took a few weeks break from my usual passive aggressive blog, but you know, I needed to get back to some more silly server stories so here’s this week’s memories:

Seriously I have never had someone ask me, even before they ordered their food, the following question: “Do you have free refills on soda?”

Not only have I never been asked that as a priority question, I personally have never even thought about free refills when I go out.

I did tell the woman yes we do, but I have to say, I was wondering if the dumb bread discussion was going to come again since that’s how we started our interaction together. Fortunately, she and her husband had a lovely lunch and everything worked out well.

A table of 6 came into the restaurant, 3 couples. Anybody who has ever been a server knows that when a table this size wants to have separate checks, it’s going to be “oh so fun” to serve them. There was one woman that was particularly well, not demanding, but high maintenance. When I originally approached the table the woman was putting in packets of Crystal lite tea into her water. When she ordered she requested a cup of clam chowder and a Crab Caesar Salad with no dressing. The rest of the table essentially ordered soup and sandwich combinations and some other basic lunch items.

As the self elected spokeswoman for the table, our discussion went something like this:

“Which chowder would you like, Manhattan or New England?”

“Oh, Manhattan of course that New England is fully loaded with so many calories, I mean who can eat that!”

I was thinking to myself wow, nice way to make anyone within ear shot feel guilty about eating their New England clam chowder and insulting our soup, but you know ok, you are entitled to your opinion.

“Now on your salad, you said dressing on the side yes?”

“No. No dressing at all.”

I was thinking wow, it’s going to be a dry salad, but that’s what she wants.

“Should I bring bread for the table?”

“No. She jumps in.”

“No bread right? You don’t want bread it’s so fattening.”

Guess not. I mean if I was at that table, I think even if I wanted it, I wouldn’t eat anything but lettuce and water in front of her. It must have been a super fun day out for the rest of them.

“Ok great. I will be back with your soups.” I said.

I came back with the soups for the table and they began eating. Out of my peripheral vision I see a hand waving me down as if she was calling a cab:

“Excuse me Miss…. Excuse me….. Excuse me Miss?”

“Yes…”

“Does this Manhattan chowder have any wine in it?”

“Yes, it does.” I replied.

“What?” She drops her spoon as if she had been stabbed in the heart….

“Who puts wine in chowder?”

“Well our Chef does Mam.”

“Well, I can’t eat this, I am allergic to wine. You should have told me it had wine in it.” She said.

“I apologize; I will take it away and off your bill Mam. I wasn’t made aware of your allergy to wine.”

So she continued to rant and rave about how we put wine “FOR SOME UNKNOWN AND ACCORDING TO HER, UNCESSARY REASON IN OUR CHOWDER” while everyone else ate their chowder in virtual silence.

The remaining food arrived and here’s the best part of the whole story. She puts another Crystal lite in her water and from her purse on top of her Crab Caesar Salad she busts out a bottle of Ranch dressing. She then proceeded to use the ranch dressing on the salad. I swear I have never seen anything like that. I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that she put Ranch dressing on the salad or the fact that she had her own personal bottle of salad dressing with her.

Anyway, I was so happy when they left and those 3 separate bills were only a couple of dollars difference. I don’t know why I could have just paid the bill with 3 cards rather than creating 3 separate checks.

People are really odd sometimes. Another woman came in with her husband or boyfriend and another couple. They were from New York. I always get along with New Yorkers because they are so straight forward and to the point. They had a super simple order 3 Crab Louie salads and 1 sandwich. The sandwich part is still a mystery to me, but let me mention the issue with the Louie dressing first.

One of the women says to me, and my supportive readers, I am not making this up: “Do not let me see the Louie dressing anywhere near my plate or next to my place setting. It’s going to make me throw up if I see it. I just want lemon, lots of extra lemon.”

Wow! Ok, are we five years old? I was thinking to myself. Immediately, her table mates said, don’t worry, so n so, we will keep it on our side of the table.

But this table get’s better. The guy that ordered the sandwich hated Mayonnaise so he said he wanted a crab sandwich with just crab on bread.

“Sir, are you sure you want that, because you’re sandwich is going to be really dry without any condiment on it. Maybe you could have a Crab Louie with vinaigrette or lemon like your friend and have a little bread on the side from Acme.”

He said, “Nope, I just want a dry Crab Sandwich. I hate Mayo, it’s so disgusting.”

I was like, wow, these two must be together they speak the same way.

I don’t get it though who wants to eat dry crab on a dry sandwich. Whatever, I’m just here to serve. In the end they were really happy so that’s all that matters.

Don’t be a Crabby Trout!

A few weeks ago there was an article in sfgate.com talking about restaurants turning to trout. Trout is a wonderful, tasty, less expensive fish to order when you go out to eat. Many restaurants including yours truly are including trout on the menu.

Did you know Salmon costs up to three times as much as Trout and California is banned from fishing salmon for the third year in a row.

Last week we had a really great fish called Corvina. For those of you that aren't familiar with this fish, it's a type of SeaBass like Bluenose or Striped Bass. It’s found on the Gulf of Mexico and Pacific Ocean.

We serve our fish baked in olive oil with simple salt and pepper, some seasonal sautéed vegetables, Japanese brown rice and sliced seasonal fruit. Right now we are serving our fish with persimmon.

Other fish we commonly serve based on availability are as follows:
Sole
Black Cod
Ling Cod
Wild Salmon
(We get it from the Columbia River near Seattle Washington)
Halibut
Mahi Mahi

Moving into November always means 2 of my favorite meals. Thanksgiving and our annual family Dungeness crab feed. Every year my family has a crab feed the day before Thanksgiving. We pick up one crab per person, some nice white wine and some beer add some melted butter, a loaf of Acme bread and get cracken!

This meal is perfect for a few reasons: 1.) There’s virtually no prep if you get your crabs cracked and cleaned prior to bringing them home. 2.) There’s hardly any table set up: A few crackers, poking utensils, a small bowl of melted butter per person, a couple of large metal bowls (figure one bowl for every two people) for catching shells, and you are done.

The whole point of this is to spend quality family time so don’t make it fancy just have a great time. I highly suggest a pair of jeans or sweat pants and simple tee shirt you can down and get crabby!

In San Francisco, our Dungeness crab season is from about the middle of November to the beginning of May.

You can always call us to see if we have whole Dungeness crab in house for purchase.

Originally posted in November of 2009.