If I could control the position of the sun, do you think I would be working here?

Sometimes I feel like "have it your way ruined Americans." When did it become OK to be rude, demanding and entitled as you move through the world. I know some of you probably think that I make up many of the stories that I share and I whine a lot, but let me tell you, in speaking to servers in other restaurants, if you can work in the Ferry Building, I think you can work in any restaurant.

Generally speaking, serving is hard work and to be a good server means you have the ability to multi-task, possess a sense of humor, are able to channel your inner psychologist and describe every item on the menu and determine if it's safe for pregnant women, gluten free, sugar free or any other "fill in the blank free" that is the current culinary/dietary fad of the moment. Honestly, I'm sure my point of view isn't necessarily popular from a service standpoint, but honestly, why is my job as a server to know all of these things. I'm not pregnant and I eat everything. You should own your own dietary restrictions.

Then on top of that, you need to be able to explain why your restaurant is not modeled after the Cheesecake Factory where "having it your way" is like a visit to "culinary purgatory." It's neither great food nor bad food, it's just about choices (about 10 pages as I recall) and volume. That's what the average American wants, variation and volume. I think somewhere in the shuffle, simple, clean, fresh food has been dealt a bad hand.

I've talked about how people get down right offended that we don't have a kid's menu or french fries or root beer or Budweiser or blah blah blah, but this month I am speaking on controlling the position of the sun. If I hear one more person ask me if we could move their table out of the sun, put their table in the sun, provide part shade and part sun, and while I'm at it, align the stars or cross the Moon with Mars, I think I shall fall over in frustration.

When you ask a customer if they want inside or outside, almost always they say outside followed by (If it's a foggy day) "Don't you have anything in the sun?" Or my favorite (if it's a sunny day in SF which we cherish by the way) "Don't you have anything in the shade." It's like no one is ever happy with how things are and easy going. I mean, I don't go out to Half Moon Bay with anything less than 4 layers of clothing and a blanket because I know want to eat outside and there may be any number of weather conditions from sun to no sun.

Special requests come from our "special" customers all the time beyond just trying to key in the position of the sun for them.

At least no one asked me for a "steak knife" though.

Oh yes, a customer asked for a "steak knife" one evening.

The server said "I'm sorry, we don't have "steak knives."
"What do you mean you don't have a steak knife?"
"Mam what is it that you need a "steak knife" for?"
"I need to cut my sandwich (she had a crab melt sandwich). I never touch my food with my hands."
"Oh......"
"Would you like me to cut it into small bite size pieces for you in the kitchen?"
"Yes please......."

That was a first.

One early evening late afternoon a few weeks ago, I served 4 crab cakes to 4 different people. All but 1 loved it and became new members of our ever growing "clean plate club."

There was one "special" customer that said she wanted another glass of wine to which I responded and said "Sure, I'll get that for you. How's the crab cake?"
"Well to be honest......." This response is so difficult to hear because 70% of the time it will be followed by a complaint of some kind. Of course, it was and then she said, "You know all day long I have waited for this crab cake and I am sooooo disappointed. I mean it's chewy, rubbery, and dry. I can't believe it........... pause...........I mean, really I am just soooo upset."

I thought to myself, wow, I hope this is your biggest disappointment in life, because I don't think you could handle anything bigger.

"Well, that's strange I said because it's one of our most popular dishes and I served the same cake to 3 other tables and they all loved theirs." I'm sure I shouldn't have said that because I'm sure it put her on the defense.

"What would you like me to do? I could order another one, but I can guarantee it will be the same as this one so I think you should choose something else from our menu."
"Well, I'll just eat it but I just wish they would have cooked it properly. I mean I waited all day for this and on and on and on she went followed by "You know I never send food back (The people that send food back all the time, they always say that FYI)."

Followed by "I don't like a thing on the menu other than this crab cake and it's been ruined."

Then she started on another rant about her disappointment around the crab cake. It was like a broken record, that would not stop repeating the same lyric over and over and over again. I thought I was in the twilight zone. You know that feeling where you think is anybody else hearing this person the way I am? Or is it just me?

So I said, "Mam, I really find it hard to believe that you can't find another thing on our menu that you would like. I understand that you are disappointed with the crab cake, but we need to move on from that now and get you something that you like."

After a minute or so, she ordered a small crab louie salad.

I said, "Perfect. It will be up shortly." So I removed the source of her disappointment, the crab cake, and came back in 2 minutes to her with the salad. I said, "Enjoy!"

I returned a couple minutes later and passed her by to notice she had this look on her face like her best friend had just died. I came back and said, "Mam, how's the salad."
She said, "Well I tried to catch you before you placed the order, because I really wanted the crab tower. This is disgusting and I couldn't possibly eat this."
I said, "Mam, we sell 100's of this salad every week. It's not disgusting and I have yet to encounter one person who doesn't love it. Why don't you just try it?"
"No it's disgusting and what's that dressing supposed to be I mean it looks like Thousand Island, I can't eat that."
"It's Louie dressing Mam it's not as sweet as Thousand Island, but though it looks like Thousand Island, it's not. It's the traditional dressing served with this fish salad."
"I'm not going to eat it she said I just want a crab tower."

At this point, I just couldn't get her out of my tiny little world fast enough it was like she was just trying to torture me.

So I said, "Mam, I'm not going to prepare yet another dish for you. I'm going to buy your two glasses of wine for you. You should relax and finish your wine and choose to eat at any of the multitude of restaurants within the Ferry Building because I don't feel confident that we will be able to satisfy your taste."

So I picked up the salad, returned it to the kitchen and left her sulking like a 4 year old in front of her wine glass.

But wait there's more. Then, after all this drama, she get's up and walks away towards the Golden Gate Meat counter and takes our wine glass. I sent a busser after her and when she saw him, she took off running in the hall of the Ferry Building. I just died..... About an hour later she comes back, looks me square in the eye and says, "here's your glass back." I guess she needed to have the last word.

Sometimes people order things and then they just try to say there is something wrong with it before they even touch it.

A gentleman came in last week for dinner and our owner was talking to him about one of our specials, the albacore tuna sashimi which was sooooo yummy. I was telling people to order it as well because it's rare that we get that fish in and when we do, it just melts in your mouth.

He ordered the sashimi and when it arrived, he said, “I don’t eat raw fish.” The owner said, “The definition of Sashimi is raw fish,” and she removed it from him.

Then he ordered halibut which we always tell customers is baked in the oven, with a little salt and pepper and served with whatever the daily vegetable is a scoop of Japanese brown rice and a sliced orange or nectarine or seasonal vegetable. Simple clean fresh fish.

Then the Halibut arrives and he says, "That's not a fillet, it's frozen." So she got really offended especially since she brought it in just this morning and they were talking back and forth and she said "please leave." Everyone around him was astonished at the entire altercation.

Trust me, we get all kinds. Of course that piece of halibut went back to the kitchen and we ate it and it was soooo good!